I'M HERE.

YESSSSSS. I'm so excited! I chronicled my plane ride there just so you guys could witness my cray. It gets progressively more ridiculous the closer I got to Bangkok, it seems, haha. Enjoy~

So this morning before I left, my aunt (mom's younger sister) called and told my dad that she was essentially creepin'. She said that she went to the Viengtai hotel (my orientation hotel while I'm in Bangkok) and somehow extracted the information that we would be staying there for 3 days and that the rate per night at that hotel was 1200 baht (maybe $40) per night. She also got the phone number of the program director and my address in Khon Kaen so she will be able to contact me whenever she wanted. My parents and I had a good laugh about that one; my aunt has always been pretty nosy. Just thought that was a funny little situation.

(10 hours, 45 minutes until Incheon) If I ever travel to Asia again, there's no way I'm not going to use Korea Air. First, there are individual touchscreen consoles installed to the backs of every seat, complete with remote control. On it, you can watch tons and tons of movies (so far, just watched Date Night and How To Train Your Dragon for the second time). Most of them are Hollywood-based with many language options, but they also have some Korean movies (English subbed!), Chinese dramas, and some European movies I've never heard of. You can also play games (Tetris, of course, chess, lots of other random sports-y games) and listen to their huge collection of audio. And yes, since it's Korea Air, all of my favorite k-pop songs are here! Currently listening to Super Junior's 3rd album, Big Bang's 2nd album, and 2PM's DSCS. Do I have all of these albums? Yes. But it just makes me happy that they offer them to everyone on this plane. Am trying out a few albums by Wonder Girls, 2NE1, and KARA, too. They also have old school k-pop (Seo Taiji and the Boys, anyone?) and a huge collection of trot and traditional Korean music. And the "recent" music is a few months old, which I was okay about; featured is Rain's "Back to the Basic," SNSD's "Run Devil Run," and even KARA's random cheer song for the World Cup, "We're With You." But overall, this is awesome. For dinner, I had a delicious make-it-yourself-style bibimbap. Yum! Though the gochujang in a tube was kind of a weird concept to me, I'll be honest. Now I'm about to settle into either a nice nap or continue my orientation readings while my laptop still has the battery.

(~5 hours until Incheon) I'm sitting in between two children crying. I mean, seriously, when one stops, the other one starts. It's ridiculous. Watching Iron Man 2 didn't help; it was a pretty horrible film. I'm really surprised that my dad was able to fall asleep.

(Incheon) The flight was delayed, so my hour-long layover time, in which I was planning on looking through the stores and buying cheap kpop-related merchandise, turned into a 10 minute layover. Sad.

(~3 hours until Bangkok) Just had dinner and had an awkward 2 sentence-long conversation with the flight attendant who spoke Thai. And so far, I've been mistaken as a Korean, Japanese, and native Thai. Awesome. On a completely different note, I really don't understand Korean airplane food and odd packaging. I just ate a Thai-style seafood curry with some rice, and on the side, they gave me a pudding cup filled with... silken tofu. Served with their oddly thick soy sauce and sesame seeds, it's delicious, if you were wondering -- but very strange. I was expecting, you know, pudding. Or at least yogurt. But then they gave me some cheesecake-flavored ice cream, and thus, I'm on a sugar high... Which doesn't make sense, since it's about 5 AM in the US right now. Man, I'm looking forward to that jetlag in the morning.

(~1 hour until Bangkok) I'm pretty sure I just got molested by an 85 year old white woman. So first, I was sleeping, and she was apparently trying to reach across me to grab some headphones that the flight attendant was handing out and definitely whacked me in the chest. Hard. And just now, she tried to get up and my bag was in the way.. So she kicked it across the aisle and then tried to lift my foot off the ground. Like, literally... Was bent down on the floor clawing at my feet to try to get me to move. I mean, she could have tapped me or something so the situation that happened wouldn't have happened -- that is, almost connecting my knee to her face. Oops. Yay, sleep deprivation.

(Bangkok!) I'm all settled into my hotel room! I'm an absolute cray at this point, but I have a roommate that is supposedly coming in soon.. And I don't want to creepily be asleep when she gets here. Anyway, so at the airport, my dad and I exchanged some of our money and got our baggage from the baggage claim. Unfortunately, one wheel of my suitcase was apparently knocked off en route, so my dad really wanted to switch our stuff. So on the way to meet the person from CIEE that was supposed to pick me up, we ran into my uncles on my dad's side who were there to pick us up too. Cue awkward car ride to the hotel where the CIEE coordinator was trying to explain the schedule and program to me while my dad was catching up with his brothers. But at least on the car ride, I got to catch a glimpse at the King's Palace and a few wats (Buddhist temples). My hotel is on a street that was meant for tourists; in fact, the whole time we were driving on the street, I don't think I saw a single non-white person... Except for the waiters and waitresses that were serving food to the tourists on their restaurants' outside patios. At.. 12 AM? Okay, tourists, whatevs.

But oh well, now I'm here!! Using grossly overpriced wifi, yay!! Tomorrow, I have workshops from 9:30 until 5:30, and then I'm going to meet with some Thai Club ladies for dinner. After that, I'll hopefully get to see my grandmother and aunt on my mom's side (the silly creeper one). Woohoo!

All packed!

First, as promised, my answers to those questions I posted last week.

a. In your view, describe what you think "education" should or can ideally be.

b. What role should or can a student play?

I believe that education should ideally bestow knowledge and skills to people that are applicable in everyday life. The knowledge and skills should eventually result in anything from happiness, prosperity, and fulfillment for people. However, there are several ways that knowledge and skills can be imparted upon someone; the best way requires the student to be interested in learning and actively involved in what they are learning. That being said, the student should, instead of being a receptacle that the words of a teacher's lectures are thrown into, be immersed in attaining an important skill or gaining knowledge -- in short, learning by doing.

a. In your view, what is positive social change? How does it happen? Who makes it happen? What hinders it?

b. What can or have you done in light of your understanding of the possibilities of social change?

a. I feel that positive social change is something that makes peoples' lives better and can encompass a wide range of "areas" such as freedoms, rights, and safety. For example, the first thing I thought of when seeing the words "positive social change" as it applies to Thailand is the subject of preventing human trafficking. Through cooperation by the government, provinces, and even all the way down to individual communities and people, stopping the practice of human trafficking allows people (especially those in rural areas and are impoverished with respects to resources) to live in freedom without being threatened by the prospects of being sold off. However, any kind of positive change can be hindered by individuals and groups in the society (including the society's ruling body) who oppose change and are able to hold their power over the majority of people in the society.

b. Though I have not done anything firsthand to promote social change, I feel that I could enact change by assisting a grassroots movement, lobbying group, or other interest group fighting for positive social change. However, I would first have to learn about a certain community by getting to know the people and understanding and assessing the situation to the best of my ability.

What skills or experience do you bring to group building? To you, what does it mean to have a good group process?

Working in groups was always one of my favorite activities both in secondary school and college. I was happy to usually find myself in a facilitator's position, where I would help guide the group in making decisions and staying on track. I also liked to contribute my own ideas while helping to keep the group's discussion relevant, and I feel that both of these skills are important to the processes of a group. To me, having a good group process means for the members to be able to work together productively and hopefully enjoy the work that they are involved in. Additionally, cooperation, the ability to compromise, and openness in discussion among the members of the group are important for a good group process.

What do you think difference between leadership and facilitation is?

Having worked in a nonprofit organization that provided leadership development education last summer, I have been exposed to many types of leadership and facilitation techniques. Generally, I believe that a facilitator's job is to keep the group on topic, organize thoughts of the members in a visual way for the benefit of the group, and keep discussion orderly. Additionally, the facilitator helps the group members brainstorm but, from my understanding, doesn't necessarily contribute his/her own ideas in the process. On the other hand, the leader of the group (unspoken or otherwise) generally starts off discussion, makes executive decisions on behalf of the group if the group is at a standstill, represents the group in presentations and other meetings, contributes many of his/her ideas, and could be one of the most respected members within the group. That being said, both are necessary in a successful group but are quite different in roles.

To you, what is a "concerned global citizen"?

A "concerned global citizen" could be one who doesn't necessarily keep up with the news all over the world as the title may suggest, but instead, focuses his/her energies on the sustainability of the Earth, both in terms of physical/environmental resources and human resources. For example, one could be involved in anything from lobbying for a measure to preserve South American rainforests to working as an educator to prevent the spread of AIDS and other diseases in Africa and Asia to even joining a grassroots campaign to urge voters in a small community to vote for a measure that would give an underrepresented group of people more rights and freedoms.

What is your view of "human rights"?

I feel that "human rights" could be defined as basic rights that all humans are afforded. These "basic rights" seem to differ from society to society. In my opinion, "human rights" is a very abstract concept and could take on many societal and even political meanings. However, I feel that the absolute most basic of rights include the right to live, the right to freedom from slavery and oppression, and the right to pursue happiness without infringing on others' basic human rights.

What is your worldview? How does the world work? How do things happen?

At this point in my life, I don't think that I have developed a complete understanding of the world and a worldview of my own. From ruminating over this question for the past few days, I still haven't come to any true conclusion. But put simply, I believe that the human world is interconnected and functions due to interpersonal relationships. Nothing can happen in the world without these relationships, regardless of the magnitude (whether the relationships stretch from one continent to another via two acquaintances or between a mother and her child). I believe that people are intrinsically social, and without these relationships, nothing could ever be accomplished. I also believe that our lives as humans are short, and we should all try to live our lives to the fullest and help others live their lives to the fullest because we each individually only have one life to live.

How does this worldview inform the decisions you make?

I feel that my current worldview does not necessarily inform all of the decisions I make; by that I mean that my worldview does not cause me to try to meet and get to know or make an effort to know every person that I possibly could. But my worldview does cause me to understand that I can't do everything alone and that I must rely on other people and have them rely on me in order to accomplish something. On a broader level, my worldview moves me to try my best to be nice to people that I meet -- not for the sake of using a relationship with someone that I meet for my own benefit, but instead, for the simple sake of understanding that humans' lives are short, and we don't have the time to be anything but nice to each other. Of course, throughout history, not many people seem to share this worldview, and this worldview certainly isn't the easiest to put into practice, but I feel like it is the most pragmatic and optimistic way to view the world and our individual lives.

So, those questions really did make me think. And I apologize for sounding so naively optimistic and happy in my paragraph about my worldview. That's what SESP did to me, I think.

In other news, I'm all ready to go! In exactly 8 hours, I will be on my first plane on the way to Thailand!! My itinerary:

Tuesday, August 17

10:21 AM - Depart Asheville Regional Airport (AVL)

11:26 AM - Arrive at Atlanta Hartsfield-Jackson Airport (ATL)

1:00 PM - Depart ATL

Wednesday, August 18

4:20 PM - Arrive at Seoul Incheon International Airport (ICN) (YESSSS.)

5:40 PM - Depart ICN

9:10 PM - Arrive at Suvarnabhumi International Airport (BKK)

Total duration: 23 hours, 49 min. Distance: 9581 miles

Guys, guys. I don't think you understand how excited I am! I can't sleep! I suppose I'll just start working on my 150 pages of reading. Yeah, I know.. I have homework even before I get there.

So I'm hoping to meet up with some Thai Club people from NU on Thursday and then meet with my aunt and possibly grandmother on Friday sometime, depending on what the program directors decide to make us do. On Saturday, we're traveling to Loei province for some orientation activities. But yeah, apparently I won't have constant internet access throughout my study abroad experience. But I'll definitely try to keep you all as updated as I can! Thanks again to all of you who have been reading so far! Wish me luck on my nearly 24 hour plane ride!

1 week!

First of all, thank you all so much for reading the blog! I've gotten lots of positive feedback and am glad that you're all with me as I begin my study abroad experience! And I have exactly 7 days until I go to Thailand! Eeeee, I'm getting so excited! :D I received a few emails from the program director, so here are a few things I wanted to comment on.

1. Does the program emphasize experiential education over traditional classroom instruction?

A: Yes

Yay! From Comm Dev, I know that experiential education > traditional classroom instruction. So I'm definitely excited that I won't be sitting in a lecture room all day. Plus, one doesn't learn first-hand about social justice and the way the world actually is such by just sitting there!

2. Q: Is there a lot of group process?

A: Yes. For fall 2010, there are 10 of you enrolled in the program.

Um, seriously? Only 10 of us? The estimate from when I first applied to study abroad was that there would be around 30 people for this program. But I guess since the violence in BKK/all around Thailand broke out earlier in the spring, people were scared off. So, even though there aren't as many people, I guess I'm glad that I'm still in the group that is as hardcore and serious as I am about Thailand. Woop woop.

3. Q: What costs does the program NOT cover?

A: The cost of reading packets and books cost about 2,000 Baht (about $60), food while not on trips, electricity costs of dorm rooms, and some laundry costs. You will also need to pay a deposit for bedding and your motorcycle helmet, which is 3,400 Baht (about $100).

You will also need to pay a deposit for your motorcycle helmet

You will also need to pay a deposit for your motorcycle helmet

You will also need to pay a deposit for your motorcycle helmet

You will also need to pay a deposit for your motorcycle helmet

Wait, what? Are you kidding me? brb, crying FOREVER.

4. Q: Will I starve if I eat vegetarian?

A: No.

Oh, okay. All better.

5. Q: Is this program intense?

A: Yes.

Q: Can I leave the country during the program?

A: No.

So, no random trips to South Korea? Dang. But of course we would have to stay in Thailand to get the full experience and stay focused to what we're doing when we work with the local NGOs. So does that mean friends can come and visit me?

6. Q: Can friends or family visit during the program?

A: No.

...Oh.

7. You need one set of "nice" clothes that you can wear when you meet the president of the university--meaning a skirt for the women and a nice blouse that covers the shoulders and doesn't dip too low in the front with nice shoes that at least have a strap around the back of the foot (but not something like Tevas).

We're meeting the president of the university? Awesome! I like how the program director specifically told the women to dress more conservatively and เรียบร้อย ("riab roy"; orderly), as if we're actually going to dress up like we're going clubbing in order to meet the president. Haha, precautions, I suppose. Oh well, it gives me a good reason to finally splurge on some nice, business-y clothes here.

8. Q: Will my time on the program be one of the most challenging and fulfilling things I've ever done?

A: DEFINITELY!

YEAH! Thanks for raising my expectations and putting words in my mouth, CIEE!

They also included some questions that are supposed to get me thinking about issues that we'll be dealing with when we get there.

In your view, describe what you think "education" should or can ideally be. What role should or can a student play?

In your view, what is positive social change? How does it happen? Who makes it happen? What hinders it? What can or have you done in light of your understanding of the possibilities of social change?

What skills or experience do you bring to group building? To you, what does it mean to have a good group process? What is the importance of group dynamics and processes?

What do you think difference between leadership and facilitation is? (Thank you, internship at Leadership Asheville last summer, for preparing me for this question)

To you, what is a "concerned global citizen"?

What is your view of "human rights"?

What is your worldview? How does the world work? How do things happen? (what kind of question...? Umm, okay.)

How does this worldview inform the decisions you make?

I'll post my answers in a few days. But until then, my glorious readers, you be thinking about these questions, too!

Oh, and by the way, here's my address if you want to write to me!

~My name~

c/o CIEE Khon Kaen

PO Box 91

Khon Kaen University

Khon Kaen, Thailand 40002

Language

So, I've kind of been dreading this post. But on top of not studying for the LSATs and having nothing to do besides stan 2PM, I guess this is the only thing to do.

I've always had a love/hate relationship with the Thai language. I liked that I knew how to understand another language so I could giggle while my parents and the members of Thai club would say sarcastic comments and occasionally poke fun of people while those people were none the wiser. But I hated how much I failed while speaking it. How nothing I said ever sounded remotely Thai. Whether it be the fact that I could never quite tell the 5 tones apart or could never quite do the "ng" sound correctly when trying to say ง, I was always so frustrated with the Thai language. Oh, and don't get me started on the situations where ล sometimes has the "L" sound but other times has the "N" sound. Or how พ, ฟ, ฝ, and ผ totally look like our good old friend the W but really make varying "P" and "F" sounds.

But I've also had some fun with the Thai language. Like when I fell out of my seat laughing when my sister recounted the time when she told the interviewer of her medical school that she once confused the words for "pregnant" and "gold." For the record, they're both pronounced like, "tong," but "gold" uses the the neutral tone (ทอง) and "pregnant" uses the rising tone (ทัอง) (Jeez, and I'm not even sure about that). Or how happy I was when I actually recognized the label of EURO's Custard Cake (คัสตาร์ดเค้ก) actually said, "Custard Cake," completely untranslated.

Omnomnom.

But when it came time to tell my professor (อาจารย์, "ajaan") about my Thai proficiency through a writing sample, I wrote a 7-sentence paragraph about myself and ended it with a 2-sentence phrase pleading her to put me in beginning Thai.

...It took me a total of two hours, a Thai-English dictionary, a friend, and my mom and dad to finish that email. No joke.

So when people assume that I'm basically fluent in Thai and that I will have no problem with the language barrier... Boy, are they wrong. And thus, the language barrier is one thing that I'm most anxious about.

Oh, one last little caveat. Before my sister left to do awesome things back in med school, she asked me if I had a Thai name, since she has one. I said I didn't, and she advised me to go to my parents and, y'know, get one. At the same time, a friend studying abroad in South Korea made up own Korean name (something like 지은, or Ji Eun... supposedly a derivation from her real name, Jenny). But my name is... me. So I'm just going to go with Emily (เอมิลี, as it were) -- mostly because of the whole identity thing, but also because I already memorized how to spell it in Thai, and I'm lazy.

And in other news, 16 days until I depart! I'm guessing I'll see a lot of this [Thai American!] man around when I get there. Not that I'm complaining.

Please excuse the horrendously awful lyrics.

Quick one, a bit off topic.

Okay, I'm still working on that language post, but I just wanted to throw this story out there. It concerns the Development, Relief and Education for Alien Minors Act (DREAM), a proposed legislation that would allow undocumented immigrant children to apply for citizenship. Essentially, it would allow for good, law-abiding students that wish to enter college or the the military after high school to do so by becoming legal temporary residents, and later, possibly citizens.

I didn't really have a strong opinion on the initiative when I read the story for the first time. Though I do appreciate the fact that it's very ambitious, and I'm really, really impressed that a youth group is spearheading and organizing support for the act. But the more I thought about it, the more I believe that bright students should definitely be allowed the opportunity to attend institutions of higher learning if they are truly talented and able. And can we really afford to allow educated and talented immigrants to just return to their home country? Or force a smart high school graduate to be stuck in a menial job for which they are totally overqualified?

So, basically, good luck KRCC of Chicago! I'm rootin' for ya.

I'm gonna be the very best...

Back when I didn't think that I would get to study abroad this fall, the super awesome assistant director of Asian American Studies at NU advised that I should take the time to actually think out what I ultimately wanted to accomplish before diving headfirst into the country as well as the program's curriculum. So, I thought. And then I had to take finals. And when I found out that I would actually get to go this fall, I kinda said, "Meh," to the whole idea and decided that I would kinda wing it when I get there.

But today, I was perusing the Northwestern Alumni magazine that routinely gets mailed to my house despite the fact that no one in my household has graduated from NU. It contained listings of what alumni/ae are up to these days as well as the plans of the newly graduated class of 2010. In addition to making me feel ridiculously incompetent and guilty about my hours upon hours of TV-watching this summer, it also encouraged me to actually think about my goals for when I get to Thailand. Here are some potential ones.

A picture from the program's website. I hope to see all of this soon. Complete with adorable doggie.

Goal 1. Complete the CIEE curriculum

Well, it kind of goes without saying that I would have to complete the curriculum set by the program. Basically, my classroom curriculum deals with development and globalization on both the academic and the grassroots/community level. It heavily focuses on the society's relationship with the environment as well as the roles that various NGOs play in the area. Somehow, mixed with all of this, peace and social justice studies will be covered through the community stays, field trips, and larger group projects (they're calling it a field-study practicum, so yeah).

Now... in terms of expecting something in the form of an agenda or moment-by-moment itinerary of the whole experience, I don't. Whatever the program decides to do, I'll have to go by anyway. So I really have no choice in this matter, but I hope to learn through observation in order to...

Goal 2. Change the world - Go into NGOs/non-profits

Here at SESP, we do things differently. And by that, I mean we do things more awesomely. Sure, lots of people go on to be lawyers and teachers and what-not, but there are certainly others that have gone above and beyond by entering into organizations like the Peace Corps or even founding their own non-profits and NGOs. We have had amazing alumni/ae that have done wonderful things with their lives and have helped out so, so many people.

...Wow. To think that I have to fill those shoes by the time I graduate seems impossible at this point. So as step 1 in my master plan to change the world, I hope to observe everything that goes on around me and take fieldnotes like crazy, SESP 372-style. Step 2: perhaps I'll find a topic that particularly piques my interest and make that into an independent study topic or even senior thesis. I would assume at this point that the topic has to do with some sort of social justice because that's the kind of thing I'm into these days, I suppose. I would love to work with the sadly salient issue of human trafficking in the Mekong river basin as well as other places in Thailand. And having this year's Thai Night support the cause of preventing human trafficking definitely increased this interest of mine [thanks, Pong!].

Up top, a Google Maps picture of Khon Kaen. On the bottom, an illustration of the Mekong river basin. Handy!

Okay, step 3. After graduation or something, touch base with an NGO like ENGAGE, a US-based NGO that we will automatically be working with when we get there, that shares my interest and/or mission to change the world. Alternatively, step 3 could consist of setting up a business plan and creating my own non-profit. And that would be incredible. Step 4 would be following through and making whatever I determine to be important as a lifelong commitment. And then change the world. Man, that'd be cool.

Goal 3. Pay the bills - Become a lawyer

As amazing as it would be to do the above option, I would probably still have to find a way to financially support myself. And my LSAT test prep book is telling me that law school is the way to go. I mean, I know how I perhaps sounded a bit self-righteous and all rose-tinted in the last bit that I wrote there. So isn't it a bit cynical that now I want to settle into a profession which society generally views as amoral and just plain... greasy?

Do I aspire to be the butt of all bad lawyer comic jokes?

Ehh. Well. I still want to help people. And I do plan to go into public interest law, where practitioners seem to have more of a soul than the run-of-the-mill corporate lawyers [though don't get me wrong; corporate law is important too!]. Plus, on a broader scale, don't all occupations intrinsically help others in some way? The physical therapist helps patients by aiding them in moving their bodies normally. The musician helps people unwind after a long day by playing his/her music. The high school janitor helps students by cleaning up waste and materials that might be hazardous to students' health. Sure, your neighborhood drug dealer helps people get high but doesn't help the community by doling out mind- and body-altering drugs for high prices. However, different kinds of neighborhood drug dealers like Walgreens and CVS also offer drugs that are meant to help heal people and are thus vital to a community. You might then argue that that the neighborhood drug dealer deals illegal drugs and is thus immoral. But then, are all of our laws based on ethics and morals? Okay, okay, I'm digressing like crazy.

So one way I could integrate my aspirations of becoming a lawyer into the study abroad experience is learn from the justice system there. I could further study deviance and sociological behaviors of the communities that I will stay in given each community's unique circumstances. Also, in the group projects, I hope to think in a different way -- perhaps in a way that's more organized (see above). Not sure exactly how this would help me become a lawyer, but acclimating to different types of thinking is certainly a good thing to have for life, right?

Goal 4. And now for something completely different - Study culture

One thing that differentiates Khon Kaen and the rest of the Isan region from Thailand (and especially the already developed Bangkok) is the culture. The region retains its Khmer and Lao influences - from the food all the way to Isan dialect of Thai that is widely spoken. Want some pad thai while you're in Khon Kaen? Nah, you'd have better luck finding some sticky rice with ลาบ (pronounced kinda like "larb") made from pork and the occasional worm or two.

Mmm. My vegetarian heart cries.

So I could focus on the cultural aspects that make Khon Kaen different from the rest of Thailand. Or, I could study how the people of Khon Kaen are perhaps dealing with the effects of globalization and modernization and how they are able to retain their unique cultural practices. I could even do some comparing and contrasting with other regions of Thailand, since we'll be travelling around a bit anyway.

Goal 5. Even more different - Study cultural appropriation... And pop culture.

Is anyone really surprised? I mean, where else am I going to use my extensive knowledge of k-pop and theories that my 3 previous classes about Asian American pop culture has taught me?

So, k-pop is really, really big in Thailand. And Thai TV networks get all of the Korean music programs [MCD, Music Core, Music Bank, Inkigayo... Is it bad that I'm excited to watch Thai TV for this reason alone?] on their regular cable channels. On the ~academic~ side, I could do a study on how Thais appropriate this Korean culture onto themselves and study their habits as consumers. On the other hand, I could study how the people of, say, random rural villages in the middle of Isan are perhaps not getting exposed to the same aspects of pop culture that their Bangkok-counterparts are. If this is the case, which I'm assuming it is, how do they consume pop culture?

Somehow I could make some grand, sweeping generalizations and then go on to study how Asian Americans consume culture from Asia and what that means for both the identity of Asian American culture and the reigning industries of pop culture in Asia [anime, k-pop, etc]. I would assume that this goal would be geared more towards an independent study, though, instead of a lifelong thing. But it would be fun to "study k-pop" as an occupation, right? Right?

Oh yeah, I promised Pokemon.

Okay, all done here. Next post will be about my love/hate relationship with the Thai language!

Identi-what?

When I tell people that I'm going to study abroad in Thailand, I get comments like, "Ohhh, that's awesome," accompanied with blank stares. Or, "So what will you be doing there?" And then the occasional, "So that's, like, by China, right?" But I never get, "Why are you going to Thailand specifically?"

Sure, one may think it's a no-brainer at first. I'm Thai American (no hyphen? Maybe another post about this later). Of course I would want to go there. Explore my motherland and all that. But what exactly do I want to know about Thailand? Why wouldn't I want to go to a place where I wouldn't face a language barrier or even a place where my obvious interests lie?

Hrm. Well. Here are my thoughts on the matter so far.

1. It all started when...

If that Childhood & Adolescence class I took freshman year taught me anything (besides the fact that birthing is a disgusting phenomenon), it was that adolescents explore their identities as a prerequisite to growing into the ~adulthood~ stage. Often, adolescents grasp onto a facet of themselves that they believe they are certain about: gender, race, sexuality, ethnicity, interests, musical prowess, talent in sports... The list goes on. Then, the adolescent questions and re-questions that facet and makes sure that it really, truly describes them. Therefore, this class forced me to reevaluate the way I went through adolescence and also cemented "placenta" as one of the words I'm most grossed out by, even today.

I... I'm not going to lie to you all. I spent the majority of my adolescence wrapped up in the world of Pokemon. So, it was easy for me to come up with a definition of "me." I like Pokemon, I seem to be defined as Asian to those around me, so thus, I created somewhat of a pan-Asian identity for myself. Then, well, I got into the whole k-pop thing and... Okay, so where am I going with this? When I was in middle school, I allowed my peers to grant me the nickname, "Asian." I didn't hate it. Without many other Asian kids at my school, that's just who I became to be: the token Asian.

2. So, who am I?

At the same time, growing up in western North Carolina has taught me that I am also American. Easy enough: I live here, I speak English, and I certainly enjoy a slice of apple pie with a heaping spoonful of vanilla ice cream on the side with my game of baseball and/or college football, thank you very much. However, I never considered the intricacies of the Asian part of my identity: no, I'm not Japanese. I'm not Korean. In fact, I'm barely even ethnically Thai; the majority of my family came from southern China, actually. My parents just grew up in Thailand and acculturated themselves because they had no other choice. So by blood, I am Chinese. However, I know absolutely nothing about southern China, and I have a poor knowledge of the language and culture of Thailand, much less the way the country words economically, ecologically, politically, etc., etc. But ask me how to use gochujang. Or how to prepare ddukbokki. I dare you.

Mmmm, omnomnom.

Hmm, okay, so I'm a wannabe Asian that's actually Asian but likes to take on other cultures instead of learn about her own. Fair enough. Let's dig further. I declared a minor in Asian American Studies as soon as my sophomore year started at NU. Again, this decision also seemed like a no-brainer because I felt that I identified with Asian Americans, so studying the history of them would more clearly elucidate the motives behind my behaviors as well as my identity, right?

Nah. The more I learn about the history of Asian Americans, the more I saw that Southeast Asians were, for the most part, excluded from the general course of study because of their relative newness in the US. I felt this obligation to research the history of Southeast Asians in America and then stand up and represent Southeast Asians during class discussions. Plus, when my classmates who were actually Chinese or Korean or what-have-you spoke about their own personal experiences being who they are or how their parents entered the States, I felt like I had no right to really supplement what they were saying; there is absolutely no way of me ever knowing how someone who identifies as "Chinese American" or "Korean American" really lives their life, regardless of how many anime series or k-dramas I have watched. So this shallow appropriation of cultures is simply a product of my interest and not my race or ethnicity.

Don't think about it too much. It's just a macro. Brock and SHINee's Onew just look hilariously similar.

3. Identity determined. Now what?

Conclusively, then, I am not a pan-Asian American. Though I am part of the greater Asian American community. I am Thai American. My parents grew up in Thailand, still speak Thai, still practice Thai customs, and still cook mighty delicious Thai food. I was raised to be Thai. I have my own precious family comprised of native Thais and Thai Americans at NU, and they have certainly stuck with me through thick and thin. "Thai American" is simply who I am, I've decided, and that's what I identify as, regardless of my various fandoms stretching across international borders. Am I labeling myself for the purpose of *becoming* the embodiment of everything that is Thai and American? Erm, no, far from that. There are other facets of personality/being to consider. But it's certainly high time for me to experience that non-American part of my identity and thus finish re-questioning that part of my identity. I mean, it's about time for me to transition into that stage of ~adulthood~ already.

Next post will be about what I hope to do when I get to Thailand. Stay tuned! Maybe you'll get more pictures of Pokemon! YEAH.