Nostalgia

Every time I watch Family Outing Season 1, a Korean variety show that I'm a huge fan of, I become uncontrollably nostalgic for the 4 months I spent living in Isaan. Especially when we had our homestays with ดาวดิน ("dao din," meaning "the stars [and] the earth"), the social justice club at Khon Kaen University, in two villages in Loei province.

We would wake up absurdly early, spending our morning feeding the animals, doing some rice and/or rubber harvesting, and coming home to eat lunch before noon so that the hot, afternoon sun wouldn't give us skin cancer and damage our eyes. Then, sitting on the front porch with my friend ทราย ("Sai") who was a part of ดาวดิน at the time, homestay sister, homestay grandma, and a three-legged dog, talking about life. Eventually, ทราย would get bored, so we would go down the road to the village general store and grab two homemade red bean popsicles, which would both be suffering badly from freezer-burn, but we wouldn't care because at that time of the day, it would be upwards of 95 degrees Fahrenheit. We would walk around the village, talking about girl stuff and eating our popsicles before eventually going back to the homestay house. Our homestay sister, who would how bored we were, would take a break from hanging up the family's clothes on the clothesline in the backyard and tell us to take the motorcycle around the village. Since I can't drive one, I would sit behind ทราย on the motorcycle and silently rejoice in the coolness of the wind whipping at us at the sadly sluggish speed of 20 miles per hour. We would drive past the homestay houses of my American friends, and their homestay families would kindly offer us some food and snacks, as was customary in every other rural village I visited. ทราย and I would eventually find a mountain somewhere and do some hiking, with me completely unable to keep up with her pace, despite the fact that I grew up in the middle of the Great Smokies. We would eventually go home and eat dinner, maybe watch a movie, talk about who would dump icy cold water on ourselves from a small bucket shower first the next day, and go to sleep. Or, as ทราย and I experienced at another village in the same province, the village would have a gathering at someone's house, and everyone would get drunk, sing karaoke, gossip, and just generally have fun. There would always be "that guy" who had a guitar and sat in a corner with his friends and some of the villagers, singing songs about love and sadness. And eventually, the most alcoholic of us Americans would try to go shot-for-shot against the 80+ year old grandmas who supplied a homemade moonshine-like concoction that they had made from rice. We wouldn't be able to stand a chance against them.

I miss that.

I miss that a lot.

And I really hope I'm making the right decision in going back to Thailand.

I've been really aiming to go back to Bangkok for the wages and the friends that I already have there. Maybe it's the North Carolina in me, but it's at these moments where I wish I was at a financially stable place in life so that I could just take a low-paying job at a school in a more rural setting. It would probably be better for the soul, too.

My mom already says that "my mind is over there," referring to Thailand, when I complain about not being able to find a job at home or elsewhere in the US. To an extent, that's true. But that's not to say I won't miss some things about home.

I'll miss being able to order food from a menu rather than from a person who can pretty much make any dish you want, but oh, it has to be Thai, and oh, it has to have so much MSG that your mouth becomes numb, and oh, we don't have tofu today, and oh, are you sure you don't want meat in that??

I'll miss the comfort of leaving out a napkin full of crumbs in my trashcan without worrying about hordes of ants invading my room during the night.

I'll miss the mild, 70 degree weather that we get here throughout most of the year.

I'll miss the lack of mosquitoes. 

I'll miss being able to comfortably speak English every day.

I'll miss my betta fish.

But mostly, I'll miss seeing and talking to my parents every day.

I really hope I'm doing the right thing.

All the things.

Hi again.

I write to you from Big Girl Purgatory, in which I have graduated from NU and am out in the "real world," but not actually the Real World. No, not yet.

My placement in Big Girl Purgatory rather than in the Real World is not because I'm unemployed and subscribe to the culture of entitlement or because I have some weird aversion to business casual clothing. After my jobs at the university became unable to support me as a non-student worker, I moved back home to Someplace, North Carolina. More importantly, I had no obligations with work or school or anything at all for perhaps the first time since infancy. And because I was rejected from all of the Ethnic Studies and American Studies PhD programs to which I applied, I became extremely disappointed with myself and my future.

In fact, thinking about the future terrified me -- my heart would race, my insides would tie themselves tightly into knots so gargantuan that I wondered how they fit in my abdomen, and my body would regularly suffer from panic-induced chills. And let's just not get into the stress- and allergy-induced hives that I got from time to time. I was lost, and I had no motivation to find myself. So for a while, I just focused on healing my physical and emotional selves, mostly through taking long walks in the woods by my house, with the cool mountain air filling my lungs, and watching k-pop and Korean variety shows in my stuffy room filled with Pokemon plushies and Beanie Babies.

This happened during the first full week that I lived at home.

Which was last week.

And you had better believe that it felt like the longest week of my life. Thankfully, now I can start thinking about the future without turning into shivering, jelly-like bundle of nerves. After a few repetitions of, "This really isn't the saddest moment of your life," and, "It has only been a week," along with my mantra of, "Really, Emily??" I'm beginning to take bits and pieces of ideas and plans and ruminating on them for a while. That and learning how to read Korean exclusively from variety shows.

First off, I know I want to be a professor. I know it. I can imagine myself as a researcher, an activist, an instructor, and a mentor. In fact, one of my dear friends who considers me one of his mentors made his decision to abandon the science-based career path that he was only pursuing to placate his family and uphold a certain image of success that his family had for him to instead focus on his real passions of Asian American Studies and higher education. And I doubt it would have happened if not for his friends' support and my nagging at him constantly to declare a minor in Asian American Studies and join the Pan-Asian American student group on campus (which he is now the co-president of). Although he and I might not necessarily be the poster children for filial piety, I feel like a natural advocate for Asian American Studies and the ideology behind the now-viral slogan #yolo. Indeed, I feel pride in being a mentor. I like being a mentor -- just as much as I like calling out racism (and if you know me, you know that I like that a lot). But most of all, I want to blow peoples' minds with the transformative knowledge and even lifestyle changes that Asian American Studies offers.

But when this friend gchatted me asking for advice as to how to move forward down the higher education path, I had a million ideas. But at that point, I couldn't share any of them with him. I mean, who am I, an unemployed nobody who didn't get into grad school, to advise an undergrad who has so much to offer to the field and to show (nay, prove) to his parents? That was the point last week where I just threw my hands up in the air and said, "I just can't with people right now. I just can't." Yes, you read that correctly. I lost my ability to Can. And with that, I lost the one thing that I pride myself on: perseverance. No, not natural-born intelligence, not diligence, not attention to detail, not clarity in thinking, not eloquence and articulation. I have none of those traits. But what I can do, and what I've always been able to do when push-comes-to-shove, is work. Work hard. And with that, my ability to Can is slowly coming back.

So I need to first and foremost formulate a plan to get into grad school for sure next cycle. I looked to my professors first for some advice, and the most common piece of advice I received from all of them was that having a year off is actually perfect to establish your viewpoints and personal opinions (and to read A LOT and revise your writing sample and personal statement several times and to show that you can do research on a specific project but also zoom out and explore broader themes, but yeah).

Alright, cool. Doable. So, I need to pick a position. Will I be a social policy-ist? Economist? Marxist? Neoliberal? Postcolonial? Asian American-ist? Thai American-ist? ?!?!?!

Okay, okay. I don't have that quite figured out yet without consulting more literature, but I WAS able to come up with lists of things that I like and dislike, which might eventually inform my views in a broader way.

Things I dislike (with the understanding of why people would differ from my views):

• The word "Indochina" to describe Southeast Asia
• Using the Eastern/Western dichotomy of thinking and living as a means to generalize and marginalize
• The word "Oriental" in all situations ever ever ever (it elicits a negative but largely Pavlovian response in me, so thanks for that, Edward Said)
• Cultural appropriation (this one is complicated, but I'm not going to get into that)
• Colonialism
• Racism

Things I like (with the understanding of why people would differ from my views):

• I mean, I don't know... 2NE1?

Okay, the lists are pretty short. But I'm getting there.

Second order of business: I need to go do something for a year. Anything. Mostly because, as previously stated, I don't subscribe to the culture of entitlement, and my 22nd birthday is exactly a week from today. So, the length of time that I stay at home is directly proportional to the amount of guilt that I feel towards my parents. So, the one thing that I would do to pass the time and would actually enjoy would be teach English in Thailand. The barrier to that is the basic tenant of filial piety, which is to not make your parents worry. This idea is, in part, the basis of the model minority myth; Asian Americans are often seen as "model minorities" by mainstream America because of successes both economically and socially, and those who perpetuate this stereotype choose career paths that will ensure economic and social security so as not to worry their parents. Of course, this is just a simplification (and that is not to say that other racial/ethnic groups don't hold filial piety in high regards, but think about it for a second before calling shenanigans on me), and I am quickly digressing. My point is, my parents REALLY don't want me to go to Thailand. They believe that the entire country (!) is unsafe, and plus, my mother is ill, so my parents would like me to find a job close-by and spend time with them instead.

My desire then begs the question: why do I even want to go to Thailand? When I went in 2010, I had my ups and downs, and this blog can certainly speak to that. But for some inexplicable reason, I feel drawn to the country like a nostalgia for something I never experienced; perhaps I would even go so far as to call it sehnsucht. I hypothesize my attraction has something to do with the fact that I feel less of and am labelled less of an other when I am there. In America, I am seen as an other almost every day (especially in my part of NC), but it happens less so in Thailand because of my appearance. Though if I open my mouth, it becomes abundantly clear that I am a foreigner in terms of language, so, part of me obviously also wants to work on my Thai skills. But I digress again. I also fear that I will still be seen as an other while in Thailand because of my nationality as an American. Of course, I often have fears that "You're only talking to/wanting to date/hanging out with me because I'm _______ (Thai, American, Thai American, Asian, you name it). These fears indicate deeper insecurities, but, I mean, it could be true (trigger warning: sexual violence). Anyway, besides the obvious rewards such as teaching experience and patience among myriad others, I feel that I need a reprieve from that sort of labeling here in America.

So what's holding me back besides filial piety? I said I'm an advocate of #yolo, right? Well, I'm holding myself back. Let me explain with an anecdote. One particularly windy day a few months ago in Evanston, I entered this quiet, unassuming sandwich shop that had just opened. The walls inside the place looked as though all the neon posterboard you used for your elementary school book reports puked. But artfully. The menu claimed to be Southeast Asian-inspired, so I cautiously ordered a sandwich from the man at the cash register, who turned out to be the owner of the shop. As he was ringing up my order, the back room burst open, and a woman chased a little girl down the cramped seating area. It was around 1PM, so I was concerned as to why the girl wasn't in school, but then I remembered that kids under 5 years old don't need to go to school and that I'm a particularly awful judge of age. The woman picked up the little girl, who was still giggling from her epic escape, and the owner said, "Thanks, honey," to the woman, who turned out to be his wife. We made some small talk, and as usual, my racial background came into question. I told him that I was Thai, and he looked surprised. He greeted me with a bold สวัสดีครับ and told me that he had gone to Thailand several times just to travel. He asked me what my post-graduation plans were, and I told him that I was hoping to go to graduate school (at the time, I was blissfully unaware of my numerous rejections). With that, the man shook his head and said, "Forget about that book stuff, you should just go somewhere." I laughed and asked where I should go, as he seemed to be a well-traveled man. He said, "No, just go. Just go. Somewhere. Anywhere. Everywhere. Don't limit yourself." As he handed me my tempeh sandwich smothered in carrots, daikon radish, and a most-likely bastardized version of Burmese curry sauce, he continued, "Don't waste your youth. Just go." As I left the shop, muttering, "What a crazy dude," under my breath, I wondered why I didn't Just Go. And today, I'm still wondering why I Haven't Gone.

So, I've been looking into English-teaching certifications and possible teaching opportunities in Thailand. Looking back on the past few years, I see my experience in the CIEE study abroad program as possibly my greatest personal failure in undergrad, so perhaps I should give myself another shot at success in Thailand. Not to mention that I would like to do research on Thai Americans for my PhD (surprise!). But that's another blog post. ;)

Things still aren't all happiness and rainbows for me still, but I'm getting there, y'all.

Final reflection

So after 5 days of (unsuccessfully) readjusting to EST, catching up with old friends (and falling asleep during TRON and The Grinch), eating non-Thai food, watching hours upon hours of Food Network, and playing Warriors Orochi 2 with my sister (and, um, accidentally falling asleep), I finally found the time to reflect on my experiences over the past 4 months.

To take an idea from Brett, I think there are two stories that I could tell about my experience: the postcard snapshot or the real picture. On this blog, I feel like I've been telling the postcard snapshot.

To be honest, throughout most of the 4 months, I hated my program.

I hated how we only had 16 free days (12 of which I actually got free due to having to plan for facilitation twice and having to take 2 of my Thai finals on my two last personal days). I hated the language barrier and the constant barrage of questions like, "Are you Thai? Japanese? Korean?"

I had my own Thai class. Just me and Ajaan Maliwan. It was just so much pressure just on me about every other day for about 3 hours. Then I would go for about 2 - 3 weeks without Thai due to being away on unit or other various reasons. I would then forget the majority of what I had learned in the past lessons and feel horrible about the next lessons.

I hated having to facilitate. I hated the constant reflection. I hated how much we had to spend talking about the ~group process~. I hated how much we had to give each other feedback and criticism. Hell, I hated how much time I had to spend with my group.

To give some context, the student group spends SO MUCH TIME TOGETHER. I felt like there wasn't a minute where I was truly by myself or with my other Thai friends. And in terms of facilitating, before every unit, a group of 3 students called Unit Facilitators had to prepare the "lesson plans" so to speak for the rest of the student group. Then, those 3 students were in charge of the entire unit: the briefing, reading discussion, activities on unit, workshop. Those 3 were always monitored and evaluated by the interns, and then the students would give those 3 feedback at the end of the unit. It would be anything from a 1-10 scale or detailed feedback on each person. Since my group was so small, most people had to do it twice. After each unit, we would have a few sessions where we would only reflect on ourselves and talk about our group and how it's developing. I thought it was an absolute waste of time; I felt that the whole process just detracted from my learning about the issues.

But in reality, it wasn't even really about the issues. Because of all of that reflection time, I learned so much about myself and gained so much more confidence in my skills. Because of the experience in facilitating, I feel like I wouldn't have gotten that experience anywhere else Because of all that feedback, I really saw myself grow. Because of my Thai classes and people constantly asking me questions about my ethnicity, I have become much more fluent in Thai and am exploring my Asian American identity further. And because of the rigor of the program, I feel that I was able to immerse myself in the process and really progress more in terms of simply being a human being or, as CIEE likes to put it, a "global citizen."

So even though I hated most aspects of the program, I eventually found it valuable in so many ways. And I'm absolutely thankful that I had the opportunity to go through it with an amazing group of people.

Thank you all so much for reading! And who knows? Perhaps I'll keep posting sporadically in the future. But for now, thank you so much for following me on my journey! If you want to talk my adventure or your own adventure, I'd be glad to! Take care, all! :D

Homecomin'.

4:56 PM - Waiting at Suvarnibhumi airport in Bangkok.

Been waiting for about 2 hours, and I have roughly 5 more hours until I board the plane. As great as this airport is, I'm friggin bored.

The past few days have been an emotional rollercoaster. First, the girls from the Community Public Health program left before us because their program was over before ours. Paola, Kamila, Claire... Miss you girls so much.

This was literally the only picture I could find with all 3 of you guys. xD

Then, when we did our evaluations of the program, it allowed me lots of time to reflect on my entire experience. It has certainly had its ups and downs, but overall, I'm so, so grateful that I had the opportunity to experience everything I experienced. This program not only showed me issues that Thailand is facing, but also, it allowed me to grow personally and develop new skills that I certainly wouldn't have obtained had I not gone on this program. For example, when would I have the opportunity to faciltiate a group and then get feedback on my performance? Hell, where else would I have a safe space to even get feedback about myself from people that really care about me? Also, all the research skills and ways of thought/new perspectives I've gained from the awesome, awesome people on my program as well as the villagers and ajaans that we had the opportunity to get close to has been something I've really cherished. And I think this development and personal growth can continue from here on out; I feel like I have the tools and knowledge to continue the learning process that I've started here in Thailand. Oh, yeah, and not to mention my Thai skillz. Hell yeah.

So anyway, day before yesterday, we celebrated the end of the program with all of us and our closest Thai friends. At arguably the most trashy (shall we say?) club in Khon Kaen.

I mean, no study abroad experience is complete without one of those nights.

And yesterday, we had a Quaker circle, where all of us (students, staff, program facilitators) sat in a circle and said whatever was on our mind. It was really nice to hear everyone's kind of "closing statement" if you will, including the ajaans. In mine, I told the story of how Ajaan Jeab called me when I was back in the states to check up on my Thai knowledge... And I totally tweaked out and couldn't speak Thai at all. But now, I totes can, and that could be a metaphor for all the other personal growth I've experienced -- I feel like I have the strength and strategies to do all the things I thought I couldn't do (what up, SESP optimism!). I kind of broke down when Ajaan John was retelling the story of how he was climbing up the mountain in Phetchabun with me, Katie, and Lindy and how accomplished he felt after keeping up with the ridiculously fast pace of the Wildlife Refugee guy. Then I for real lost it when Maddie lost it and when Ajaan May said, "Time flies when you're having fun." Good times indeed.

So then, JBO had to leave early because her flight was at 1 AM in BKK... So that was rough for all of us, as she is such a great, vital part of that group and brought a lot of insight to everything we did. Plus, she was the first person I got close to in Thailand, so.

Next, we had our farewell dinner. Yes, I cried up a storm, not gonna lie. It was especially bad when my best Dao Din friend, roomie, and Claire's roomie came and gave me gifts. I just absolutely lost it. We had to say goodbye to Katie, who was going to travel around Thailand with her mom (who has an amazing Minnesotan accent!), which was tough for me since we worked on both of our final projects together and had homestays during unit 4 and 5 together. Later in the night, we had to say goodbye to Abby (my first homestay roomie~) and Jake which just brought on more tears. We also had to say goodbye to all of the ajaans as well. I feel like that part really got to me because I feel like I didn't fully appreciate them and everything they did for us over the past semester.

Fall 2010 with all the ajaans, what up.

After that, I called a number of people saying goodbye (some of the other Dao Din kids, Orm, my aunt, host family in Sisaket, and my Thai professor). This morning, I finished packing and took all the bedding, my phone, and keys to Ajaan May, which really cemented it for me. Wow. I'm leaving. Most of our roomies came to see us off, and Fai said something that really struck me: "We'll see each other again; we live on the same world." I don't know why that struck me so hard. I almost lost it again when my roomie gave me a hug and sent me off. Seriously, that girl is a superhero. She drove me back and forth from the laptop repair shop when my hard drive crashed, she basically taught me how to read and write in Thai better, she was always there to give support and to listen to me, she was always ready to have extensive k-pop discussions with me even if it was 4 AM, and she is just so, so full of joy and life. Okay, Emily, stop tearing up at the waiting area in the airport now...

So Sam, Maddie, Brett, Alex, Bryant, and I headed off to Bangkok this morning with Na'Am, our resident van-driver (who also drove me to the Faculty of Humanities like every morning to go to Thai and is pretty much a badass). Not gonna lie, I slept the entire time. Highways and plane rides just knock me right out, idk. But finally, when we got to BKK, we all said our goodbyes. It was so hard to see everyone go their separate ways, and I almost lost it again.

So that brings me to here. I'm ridiculously emotional right now, so... yeah. Will update later after I find an outlet for my laptop. Really hope I don't have any crying babies sitting beside me or old women groping me this time.

7:43 AM - Tokyo/Narita airport

I ended up getting "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" in the bookstore in Bangkok for funsies. Also got my last meal in Thailand (pineapple and guava, yessss). Now I get to wait for another 4 hours until I board the plane to sweet home Chicago and then sweet actual home Asheville after that. I'm supposed to be getting home at 4PM on the 19th, and it's currently 7:45 AM on the 19th here in Japan. The trip from here to Chicago is a little more than 20 hours. Timezones really confuse me. I wonder how flight attendants get paid. By the hour? Even if the time is going backwards? Hm.

So anyway the flight wasn't bad coming here. It's, like, freezing too. I can't even imagine how Chicago is going to be. Now in the waiting area, listening to k-pop Christmas music. Don't ask. But totally getting into the spirit of Christmas, finally.

So, down the row from me, there's this Vietnamese woman who apparently married this guy from Cleveland in Japan. And they're talking to another Vietnamese woman who is going to the US to meet her husband... Yes, meet, as in for the first time. From my eavesdropping skills, I've gotten that they've only talked online. Okay. Messed. Up. I could legit write a paper on that right now.

Now looking through all of my old pictures. Jeez, I just miss everything so freaking much already. I would say that I held it together fairly well (except for the farewell dinner) up until now. I keep thinking that tomorrow, I'll wake up in my room in Kasiansil and go to the CIEE office and get fruit from the fruit lady outside of U-Center. Or I keep thinking that at the very least I'll at least wake up in Khon Kaen tomorrow. But alas, it's back to the real, non-summer-camp-y world for me. เศร้ามากกกก! :(

I just looked at my wallet and saw American money. It was weird. Kinda all over the place right now. Here goes, 20+ hour flight.

10:41 AM - O'Hare Airport!

Yay, finally in the states!! :D Just gorged myself on a roasted veggie + mozzerella sandwich from the Wolfgang Puck stand with a mango smoothie because it's like 10:41 PM in Thailand, and my body still doesn't realize it's morning here yet. I spent $12, which is the equivalent of 360 baht. Did I mention that I bought almost all of my meals in Khon Kaen for 30 baht or less? $1 = 30 baht, you do the math. But anyway, yeah, I don't really know if the daily value thing really applies to what I'm eating today(ish).

But nonetheless, the states are great. Glad to be back. Though I have to wait here for 3 more hours until I get home, it's nice to be somewhere where the people primarily speak English. It's odd that I suddenly don't look similar to everyone else anymore, and it's also weird that people are driving on the right side of the road. Crap, I'm so screwed. But next stop is home! I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty friggin excited. Still emotional for sure but excited. :D

10:16 PM - HOME!

I'm home! Will do a last kind of wrap up post sometime for closure. But not now. Because I have jet lag. Night, all. :D

Final days.

I legitimately have 4 days left in Thailand, you guys. 4. Freaking. Days.

I’ve certainly had an adventure while I’ve been here, but first, I’ll fill you all in on what I’ve been up to since Na Nong Bong and my Thai assignments.

Basically, we had 2 weeks of final project time. Since our group was so small, there were lots of projects to do. So I signed up for the Na Nong Bong campaign project (with Katie, Brett, and Alex) as well as the Baw Kaew legal report project (with Katie).

So first, the Na Nong Bong project consisted of all of us working on campaign materials and activities for a high school and a university back in Loei, all facilitated by the Dao Din kids that we worked with during the last unit. It was supposed to be a “fun” informational campaign for those in the area to raise awareness about the mine and how awful it is. It was pretty smooth sailing for us CIEE kids, since we went through the whole planning process a million times over the semester and knew what was going on. But we ran into a bunch of problems while working with the Dao Din kids this time. First, only the first years were able to do the event with us because the older, more dedicated members weren’t free. So there were varying levels of participation and engagement right from the get-go. Also, apparently these kids don’t know what a freakin’ clock is. With the exception of 2 kids, everyone else would come to meetings from 30 minutes to even 1 hour late. Or they wouldn’t come at all, which presented even more issues. A proud moment came when I facilitated the students IN THAI. It really just shows how far I’ve come since the beginning of the program – with no facilitation experience and little Thai speaking abilities to being able to do both at the time. So anyway, with this project, we CIEE kids basically just worked on our materials and activities, action toolkits for people who were interested at the high school and university, and other CIEE-y materials while the other kids did their regular school thing (which is so weird to me because I’m going to be returning to that in like 2 weeks…).

But even before we could go to Loei for the campaign, Katie and I had to do our legal report on Baw Kaew. On the 6^th and 7^th, we were able to go back up to Chaiyaphum (where all the nasty mosquitoes were…) to do some further research on the charges of contributing to global warming that the villagers were facing. I know, I know, it sounds ludicrous. But it’s true. Thanks to the Land Reform Network and Ajaan John, who was our translator and pretty much our saving grace for both the Na Nong Bong campaign and this project, we were also able to visit a few communities in Phetchabun province to further get material to write our report.

Essentially, the villagers we visited had lived on their land for generations upon generations but didn’t have full land ownership through specific land titles. Though the villagers had officially been given the land by the King himself, the central government decided to make the forest around their land into a wildlife sanctuary and national park. They are also currently trying to make that land into a World Heritage site, which costs money and also requires for the villagers to vacate the area. So, for the past few months/years, the government has been charging the villagers with global warming and fining them ridiculous amounts in order to try to force them off. For example, the government told one villager to cut down all of his rubber trees or else he would be charged for global warming. After doing what he was told, he was charged with trespassing and damaging government property (criminal) in addition to contributing to global warming (civil). No, I’m still not kidding. After performing some ridiculous “environmental tests,” they determined the exact fines in baht that he would have to pay for his apparently horrible deed. The charges included loss of water, increased in temperature, loss of soil, and loss of potassium, nitrogen, and phosphorus in soil, and the guy had to pay over 400,000 baht. And do you know how they conducted those tests? Well, for the loss of water, an officer from the Ministry of Natural Resources would come into the area, pour 2 liters of water on the ground, and wait until all the water has evaporated. Then, he would take that number, put it into a computer program designed by academics (not necessarily scientists, from our knowledge), and then come up with the fine for that amount of time that the water took to evaporate. And if you think that sounds crazy, the other tests were, you know, just as ridiculous.

We were also able to visit a community of villagers who went out one day to pick corn for their private employer. Before they knew it, they were surrounded by government officials and driven away by the police, who didn’t even give the villagers time to tell someone to take care of their children. They were all charged for trespassing, destroying government property, and contributing to global warming. One was charged with obstructing the duties of an officer or something. And they were all pretty baseless claims.

Needless to say, Katie and I were pretty riled up. So when we got back from the Loei campaign, we sat down and wrote a monster 26 page paper when we were really just required to write like, 5 pages. Mostly, it was a pass-on for future students and a very detailed account of the information we received so that the program can use it in the future. We’re pretty proud of that. :D So here are some pictures!

Oh, PS, we also got to see an amazingly beautiful view of the national park and wildlife sanctuary while we were in Phetchabun. Pictures are courtesy of Lindy and Katie because I forgot to charge my camera battery.

When the time came to actually go to Loei for the campaign on the 8^th, we were only expecting our most dedicated first years (ชมพู่ ท๊อป โต้ง what up?!), but ALL of our buddies came along, despite not coming to any of the meetings. Thanks so much for your hard work แคน แท็ก สมา ทราย!

I would say the campaign was a success, despite there being over 100 students (when we were expecting like 30 students) at the high school (which really wasn’t a high school and actually had those from 2^nd – 9^th grade) and despite there being a super boring powerpoint by the villagers which drove tens of people away every 10 minutes or so at the university. Our activities ran well, and the Thai kids did really well in facilitating. Speaking of, after the event, we all sat down back in the village and did a +, -, delta, which is a tool we CIEE kids were familiar with. It consists of a notetaker/facilitator on the board and then everyone throwing out ideas of what went well, what needed improvement, and what we could change for those things that needed improvement. I was doing the main facilitating, and I decided to do it JBO-style. This basically consists of setting time limits on each section and putting pressure to stay on task and get things done. The namesake is JBO, who famously does this style of facilitation whenever we need something done quickly yet still thoroughly. When I said, “Okay, you all have 2 minutes to think about good and bad things about the program and what we can change. GO,” and then later, “30 seconds,” the Dao Din kids got pretty freaked out. On a positive, we got the whole process done in 30 minutes instead of the regular 2 hours that we probably would have spent. Another proud facilitation moment for me. So yeah, here are some pictures. J

สมา and ท๊อป at the high school

โต้ง , freakin' rockin' it at the high school

ท๊อป and ชมพู่ emcee extraordinaires.

Villager panel at the university

Ajaan John, P'Fac Sam, and Alex with some girl answering a question for our Q&A prize game

So that was kind of it for project time. Don’t get me wrong; it was 2 weeks filled with stress, work, and sleep deprivation, but looking back on it, that was the simplest explanation I think I could have given about the whole process.

Last, we had a human rights festival on the 10th! We partnered with the law faculty and put on an awesome conference! Certainly not Bangkok/unit 3 level, but much, much better. :P

Now, I just got back from a “retreat” where we discussed the program – what we liked, what we didn’t like, what we’d like to change, etc. It was a nice place to reflect on the entire semester and provide insight as to what we could potentially change for next time. I’m also proud that next semester might have a land reform unit just because of my and Katie’s final project about global warming charges! Yay! So essentially, that’s all for the actual Thailand bit. I’m probably going to write one big reflective entry once I get back to the states, but for now, bye~ ^^

Oral presentation

1. สวัสดีค่ะ หนูอยากเล่าเรื่องเกี่ยวกับสิ่งที่เปลี่ยนไปที่ประเทศไทยค่ะ

2. หนูมาที่ประเทศไทยตอนสิบขวบแต่ตอนนี้หนูเกือบลืมไปหมดแล้ว ฉะนั้นหนูจึงอยากรู้ว่าประเทศที่ไทยที่พ่อแม่เคยอยู่เป็นอย่างไร

3. สิบปีที่แล้วตอนมาที่เมืองไทยโดนยุงกัดเยอะ ตอนนี้ก็ยังโดนยุงกัดเยอะเหมือนเดิม

4. สิ่งที่สอง หนูรู้สึกว่าสิบปีที่แล้วไม่มีรถเยอะขนาดนี้ หนูไปที่กรุงเทพสามอาทิตย์ที่แล้ว และป้ากับหนูนั่งรอในรถแท็กซี่ประมาณสองชั่วโมงเพราะรถติดมาก และในอีสานหนูเห็นรถยนต์ยี่ห้อใหม่ในหมู่บ้านที่ใกล้จากเมืองใหญ่ด้วย

5. แต่ก่อนหนูขอแม่ตลอด หนูอยากได้ตุ๊กตา พิกกาจู้ เพราะมันน่ารักดี และหนูชอบเล่นเกมส์โปเกม่อน แต่ตอนนี้รู้สึกว่าทุกคนหันมาชอบเพลงเกาหลีและซื้อซีดีของนักร้องเกาหลีด้วย หนูซื้อซีดีของทูพีเอ็มที่เมืองไทยและเพื่อนผู้ชายไทยก็ชอบ เกริ์ลเจเนอเรชั่น ดังนั้นหนูรู้สึกว่าแต่ก่อนของญี่ปุ่นดังแต่ตอนนี้ของเกาหลีดังมากกว่าิดมาก ทศไทยตอนสิบขวบแต่ตอนนี้หนูเกือบลืมไปหมดแล้ว ฉะน

6. ตอนที่มาเมืองไทยครั้งแรกหนูยังมองไม่เห็นปัญหาที่เกิดขึ้นผู้คนในชนบท

7. ตอนหนูเด็กๆหนูไม่เคยเห็นปัญหาเพราะยายกับตาเป็นคนรวย ยายกับตามาจากประเทศจีนพวกท่านทำธุรกิจเกี่ยวกับนาฬิกาธุรกิจอื่นๆ

8. ฉะนั้น หนูจึงไม่เคยเจอปัญหาตอนอยู่กับตาและยาย แล้วตอนนั้นหนูเป็นเด็กอยู่ แต่ตอนนี้หนูเห็นสิ่งที่ไม่เคยเห็นในสิบปีที่แล้ว

9. หนูจำได้ว่าสิบปีที่แล้วหนูเคยกินผัดผักบุ้งที่บ้านของยาย ตอนนี้หนูรู้แล้วว่าวิธีการปลูกผักบุ้งต้องทำอย่างไร และหนูรู้ว่าผักกับข้าวต้องใส่ปุ๋ย บางคนใช้ปุ๋ยอินทรีย์แต่บางคนใช้ปุ๋ยเคมี ชาวนาต้องใช้เวลานานกว่าจะได้ข้าวแต่ละเม็ด ตอนเดือนกันยายนที่ผ่านมาหนูไปที่จังหวัดยโสธรและเห็นว่าอาหารที่หนูกินมาจากไหน

10. ที่จังหวัดยโสธรครอบครัวเป็นชาวนาที่ปลูกข้าว เลี้ยงควาย วัว หมู เป็ด และไก่ พ่อแม่เป็นคนสบายๆเขาใช้ปุ๋ยอินทรีย์ ฉะนั้นข้าวจะขึ้นช้ากว่าคนที่ใช้ปุ๋ยเคมี ดังนั้นข้าวกับผักของครอบครัวจึงปลอดภัยมากว่าฝักที่ใช้สารเคมี และอร่อยมากกว่าด้วย รูปนี้มีแม่ที่จังหวัดยโสธรกับเพื่อนชื่อแอ๊บบี้ และรู้นี้มีหนูกับน้องอิมและน้องอุ้ม

11. หนูถ่ายรูปนี้ในนาของครอบครัว ครอบครัวนี้สอนให้หนูรู้จักกินข้าวให้หมด เพราะถ้าเป็นสิบปีที่แล้ว หนูก็จะเหลือข้าวในจานเสมอ แต่ตอนนี้หนูเห็นชาวนาต้องทำงานหนักเพื่อหาข้าวให้หนูกิน

12. ที่นี่ แม่ต้องไปขายของที่ตลาดสีเขียวทุกวันเสาร์-อาทิตย์ ทุกคนที่ตลาดสีเขียวจะขายของที่ไม่ใช้สารเคมี อาหารที่นี่ทำให้สุขภาพดี

13. สิบปีที่ผ่านมาหนูไม่รู้ว่าขยะไปที่ไหนหลังจากหนูทิ้งในถังขยะและหนูเอาถุงพลาสติกที่ เซเว่นอีเลเว่นตลอด หนูไม่เคยคิดว่าจะทำให้เกิดปัญหาอะไร

14. ถ้าหนูไม่ไปที่กองขยะคำบอน ที่นั่นหนูเห็นภูเขาที่มากจากกองขยะถุงพลาสติกที่หนูเคยทิ้งก็ยังอยู่ที่เดิมเพราะพลาสติกไม่เน่าเหมือนอาหาร ชุมชนนั้นก็เหม็นชีวิตของชาวบ้านก็ลำบาก

15. หนูช่วยครอบครัวเก็บของเก่าแค่วันเดียวเองแต่หนูเหนื่อยมาก ทุกคนใช้ตะกร้าที่ใส่ของพลาสติก รูปนี้มีหนู เพื่อนชื่อแซม แม่ และก็น้องฝ้าย ในครอบครัวนี้พ่อต้องทำงานตลอดเวลา เพราะแม่เป็นโรคหัวใจและน้องยังเป็นนักเรียนอยู่ ฉะนั้นครอบครัวนี้ต้องสู้ทุกวัน ตอนนี้หนูก็ไม่ทิ้งถุงพลาสติก และรู้จักรีไซเคิล เพราะไม่อยากให้คนอื่นต้องไปทำอาชีพแบบครอบครัวนี้

16. ตอนหนูไปที่กรุงเทพเมื่อสามอาทิตย์ที่แล้ว หนูกับป้าเห็นการประท้วงถนน ป้าบอกว่าคนที่ประท้วงคือคนที่อยู่ในสลัมและไม่มีงานทำ การประท้วงในถนนทำให้คนอื่นยุ่งมาก น่าจะไปที่อื่น แต่ว่าหนูก็เป็นคนที่ทำประท้วงในขอนแก่นด้วย หนูรู้สึกว่ารัฐบาลต้องช่วยคนที่อยู่ในสลัมมากขึ้น เพราะหนูเคยอยู่ในสองชุมชนที่เป็นสลัมในขอนแก่น ในรูปนี้ที่แรกเป็นสลัมชื่อหนองแวง รูปที่สองเป็นสลัมชื่อ เทพารักษ์หนึ่ง

17. ในชุมชนเทพารักษ์หนึ่ง หนูอยู่กับผู้หญิงชื่อ แม่แพรวรรณ แม่มีอาชีพเป็นแม่ค้าขายอาหาร แม่เป็นคนจนแต่แม่บอกหนูว่า “แม่ต้องคิดว่ามีคนที่มีชีวิตแย่กว่าแม่ แม่ก็พยายามทำสิ่งที่ดี” ดังนั้น แม่แพรวรรณจึงได้เป็นตัวแทนของสาธารณะสุขในชุมชนเทพารักษ์หนึ่ง ถ้าคนในชุมชนมีปัญหาเกี่ยวกับสุขภาพ แม่ก็จะเขียนรายงานให้รัฐบาลช่วย แต่ว่าแม่จบแค่ป.4เองและเขียนไม่เก่งเท่าไหร่ ดังนั้นแม่จึงต้องเรียนเรื่องการเขียนเพื่อช่วยคนที่ไม่สบายในชุมชน และตอนหนูเห็นการประท้วงที่กรุงเทพ หนูคิดถึงแม่แพรวรรณ และคนที่มีปัญหาในสลัม

18. สิบปีที่แล้ว หนูชอบกินปลาที่บ้านกับคนในครอบครัว ครั้งนี้หนูไปที่จังหวัดศรีสะเกษกับอุบลราชธานี และหนูเห็นว่าบางคนตกเบ็ดไม่ได้ หนูถ่ายรูปนี้ที่ชุมชนราศีไศลในจังหวัดศรีสะเกษ ที่นี่มีเขื่อนซึ่งทำให้ชาวบ้านเกิดปัญหา

19. คนในรูปนี้เป็นครอบครัวที่จังหวัดศรีสะเกษ ทุกคนกลัวน้ำท่วมเพราะเขามีนากับความหลายตัว ยายบอกว่าตอนนี้ไม่มีปลาในแม่น้ำเพราะเขื่อนทำให้ปลาตายหมด

20. แล้วก็บางคนไม่มีน้ำที่ดีใช้เพราะเขื่อนไม่ให้น้ำไหลไปตามธรรมชาติ เขื่อนในรูปนี้เป็นเขื่อนปากมูลในจังหวัดอุบลราชธานี พ่อที่จังหวัดอุบลราชธานีบอกว่าแต่ก่อนทุกคนตกเบ็ดได้และมีปลาเยอะมากสำหรับทุกคนในหมู่บ้าน แต่ตอนนี้ทำแบบของใครของมัน

21. ที่หมู่บ้านในจังหวัดศรีสะเกษ มีวัฒนธรรมที่น่าสนใจ เช่น มีการแข่งเรือ สมมติหมู่บ้านไม่มีน้ำหรือไม่มีปลาวัฒนธรรมก็น่าจะหายไป

22. ในถ่ายรูปนี้ในชุมชนชื่อ ตามุย ในจังหวัดอุบลราชธานี ตอนนี้รัฐบาลอยากสร้างเขื่อนที่นี่ด้วย ตอนนี้รัฐบาลอยากสร้างเขื่อนที่นี่ด้วยธรรมก็น่าอุบลราชธานีบอกว่าแต่ก่อนหนึ่งคนตกเบ็ดด้ำยบอกว่าตอนนี้ไม่มีปลาใปัญหาในสลัม่เป็นสละ แต่ว่าที่นี่มีความสวยงามมากและทุกคนต้องใช้น้ำที่มาจากแม่น้ำทุกวัน ชุมชนกำ ลังสู้รัฐบาล

23. ในครอบครัวที่เป็นคนจีน ทองเป็นสิ่งที่ดี มีร้านขายทองเยอะที่ไชน่าทาว์นในกรุงเทพ แต่ตอนที่ไปที่ชุมชนที่ชื่อNa Nong Bong และ Huay Muang ในจังหวัดเลย หนูเห็นว่าเหมืองทองไม่ดีเพราะทำให้คนไม่มีน้ำดีใช้ และทำให้คนมีสุขภาพไม่ดี

24. หนูถ่ายรูปนี้ที่ชุมชน Na Nong Bong จริงๆที่นี้ก็สวยแต่ตรงนั้นมีเหมือง ครอบครัวบอกว่าเหมืองทองนี้ทำให้ทุกคนในชุมชนต้องซื้อน้ำจากบริษัทอื่นเพราะเหมืองทองทำให้สารเคมีไหลลงไปในน้ำของชาวบ้าน อย่างเช่นคนเจอไซยาไนด์ในน้ำ และตอนที่บริษัทหาทองเสร็จบริษัทต้องส่งเงินให้ชุมชน แต่จริงๆแล้วเงินไปที่รัฐบาลซึ่งชาวบ้านไม่ได้รับเงินเลย

25. หนูถ่ายรูปนี้ที่การประท้วง เพื่อนชือ แอ๊บบี้กับแมดดี้ถือป้ายที่บอกว่าคนที่ชุมชนไม่ชอบเหมือง แล้วป้ายนี้มีรูปให้ดูว่าคนที่จับน้ำที่มีไซยาไนด์ก็เป็นแบบนี้

26. ที่ชุมชน Huay Muangหนูอยู่บ้านกับผู้ใหญ่บ้าน ที่นี่บริษัทอยากสร้างเหมืองทองแดงแต่ชาวบ้านกำลังสู้เพราะไม่อยากให้ชุมชนเป็นแบบชุมชน Na Nong Bongในอนาคต แต่ผู้ใหญ่บ้านบอกว่าเหมืองก็ดีเพราะทำให้เศรษฐกิจดีขึ้น แต่หนูคิดว่ารัฐบาลให้เงินกับผู้ใหญ่บ้านและบอกให้ผู้ใหญ่บ้านยอมให้สร้างเหมือง รูปนี้คือทองและรูปนั้นคือน้ำที่มีสารเคมีแล้ว

27. ตอนหนูเป็นเด็กๆไม่มีใครที่ถามว่า หนูเป็นคนไทยหรือเปล่า เพราะพ่อแม่ก็พูดไทยได้และเป็นคนไทยด้วย แต่ตอนนี้ทุกคนมีคำถามแบบนี้เสมอ หนูต้องบอกทุกคนว่าหนูเป็นคนไทยแต่เกิดที่ประเทศอเมริกา

28. คนที่อีสานบอกว่า หน้าของคุณดูเหมือนคนจีน คนญี่ปุ่น หรือคนเกาหลีและตอนหนูบอกทุกคนว่าหนูเป็นคนไทย ทุกคนก็ตกใจ

29. แต่คนอื่นก็บอกว่า คุณเป็นคนไทยจริงๆ แต่คนไม่ได้สนใจที่หนูเกิดที่อเมริกา อย่างเช่น ทุกคนต้องอยู่กับเด็กที่เป็นนักเรียนที่โรงเรียนสวนสนุกในจังหวัดขอนแก่น ในภาษาไทยหนูถามเด็กว่า ทำไมคุณชอบฝรั่งที่มีผิวขาวที่สุด และเด็กหญิงบอกว่า คนฝรั่งรู้สึกเหมือนคนในหนัง ทไวไลท์ แต่จริงๆทุกคนบอกว่าชอบฝรั่งเพราะไม่ใช่คนไทย หนูบอกว่า พี่เป็นฝรั่งด้วยเพราะไม่ได้เกิดที่เมืองไทย แต่เด็กๆก็หัวเราะและบอกว่า ไม่ใช่ พี่เป็นคนไทยแบบเรา และเด็กก็ไม่เชื่อว่าหนูเป็นคนอเมริกา

30. จริงๆแล้วประเทศไทยไม่ได้เปลี่ยนไปเท่าไหร่ในรอบสิบปี แต่หนูเปลี่ยนไป มีคำถามไหม?

Essay~

สิ่งที่ทำให้หนูมีความสุขคือเพลงเกาหลี หนูไม่เข้าใจภาษาเกาหลีแต่หนูชอบฟัง ทุกวันหลังเลิกเรียนจากที่มหาวิทยาลัยหนูกลับบ้านและดูนักร้องในโทรทัศน์ หนูชอบวงดนตรีชื่อทูพีเอ็มมากที่สุด วงดนตรีนี้มีสมาชิก 7 คนชื่อแจบอม จุนซู นิชคุณ แทคยอน อูยอง จุนโฮ ชานซอง ทุกคนเป็นผู้ชายและเป็นคนเกาหลีแต่นิชคุณเป็นคนไทยอเมริกันเหมือนหนู มิถุนายนที่ผ่านไปทูพีเอ็มมาถึงเมืองชิคาโกใกล้กับมหาวิทยาลัยของหนู ตอนนั้นหนูไปดูคอนเสิร์ตของทูพีเอ็มกับเพื่อนชื่อลีลา ตอนแรกพวกเราออกจากหอพักและนั่งรถแท็กซี่ เราใช้เวลาหนึ่งชั่วโมงที่จนมาถึงสถานที่จัดคอนเสิร์ต เราต่อแถวอีกหนึ่งชั่วโมงในที่สุดเราก็ได้เข้าไปข้างใน ข้างในมีคนเยอะมากหนูกับลีลา ตัดสินใจไปข้างหลังเวที เพราะเราตื่นเต้นมาก เราพยายามเดินไม่ให้ยามเห็น ในที่สุดเราก็ได้ยืนอยู่ตรงบันไดทางลงหลังเวที เราเห็นผมสีแดงของจุนโฮและผมสีบลอนด์ของนิชคุณ หนูและลีลาตกใจมากเราจึงตกบันไดพร้อมกัน เราหัวเราะและสมาชิกทุกคนในทูพีเอ็มหันมามองเรา หนูอายมากเพราะนักร้องที่หนูชอบมากที่สุดเห็นหนูกับเพื่อนตกบันได หลังจากนั้นเราก็สนุกกับคอนเสริต์เพราะเขาร้องเพลงที่หนูชอบมาก นั่นเป็นประสบการณ์ที่หนูไม่ลืมแน่นอน